Let me start off by saying it IS normal and we’ve all done it, now that I got that out of the way, I’m talking about comparing. Comparing ourselves to others; their looks, their success, their home life, honestly it’s a pretty normal thing that we do subconsciously on the daily (thank you social media). It can be healthy if you use it as self-fuel and work harder, it can also have the opposite effect if you don’t. As a secure woman, I have always wanted to empower other women.
I’ve never really fallen down the slippery slope of self-sabotage comparison.
I’ve been fortunate enough to be in the company of the most powerful and successful women in the world today, defined by many different standards in the form of: CEOs, celebrities, entrepreneurs, best-selling authors, you name it – and I have to say, I have never felt inferior to any of them nor did I ever “want their life”. Through my experiences and watching the experiences of others, I’ve come to realize WE ALL have our issues and I truly don’t deem anyone else’s life “better” than mine.
If I do find myself comparing it is usually in a positive head space that turns into brainstorming ideas on what I could be doing better. However, my struggle feels deeper and more personal than that. I am constantly comparing myself to…myself…and I don’t mean in the cliche way of “don’t compete with anyone, but yourself” I mean in the real way where I look at my life and where I thought I would currently be and I feel like I am no where near there. Honestly, nine years ago when I graduated from college I visioned myself at 31 as a married woman getting ready to start a family, and an extremely successful entertainment television host. Well, currently none of those are true. Initially, after turning 30 this was something I really struggled with, but in turn I took a step back and looked at my life as a whole and I have to tell you something: I am TRULY happy. I think we all have this vision in our minds of what our lives are supposed to look like and when that’s not the reflection we see, we start to panic. But the truth is I COULD have settled and been married by now if I wanted, I COULD be getting ready to start a family. I COULD have plunged into TV hosting and sacrificed ever bit of self-respect I had in order to do so. The reality is that was not in the cards for me right now.
So in turn, what I have learned to do when I see myself going down that path of self-loathing and questioning every one of my past decisions is to surround myself with my bad-ass core group of friends who are constantly there to tell me what I HAVE accomplished in my time.
No, I’m not asking them to pamper me with compliments, but seeing yourself through other people’s eyes (especially your support group) can be a glorious experience. They remind me I’ve written and published two books, I’ve traveled the world to some of the most beautiful places, had some of the most incredible experiences, I am financially secure, and I’ve created a lifestyle where I can make my own schedule…oh and of course they tell me that I have a bad-ass group of friends! These are the type of people you need to be surrounding yourself with!
If you don’t have those type of people in your life then let me be the one to tell you: stop being so hard on yourself, those things that you thought you should be doing right now may have been very unfulfilling. All you can do is take your current situation day by day and do what makes you happy because honestly who wants to be bitter and feel unsatisfied just to fulfill a (made up) timeline?
No, I think we need to relax, sit back and appreciate the little things that make up our lives. The goal is always to be a better version than you were yesterday as you roll with the punches life throws your way. If you’re doing that, well then sis, you’re doing just fine! Keep moving forward and keep your head up, trust me you are doing amazing things whether you feel like it or not! Have faith in the timing of the universe and surround yourself with people who see you for who you are and not just the check marks on a list you made up for yourself a decade ago. Life is an adventure, not a race. Enjoy every minute of it!